Justin Kan

My happiness is directly correlated with hair length (and thus is at an all time high).

I'd say that post-selling Twitch I wasn't super happy. I had been chasing after an extrinsic goal (becoming a successful founder) for so long and accomplishing it felt like kind of a let down, to be honest. I still was plagued with "what ifs" and desires to start an even bigger company.

Then, several years ago, I sat in an ayahausca ceremony for the first time. Plant medicine revealed to me since I was a kid I had always felt disconnected from the people around me, and that all my life I had been chasing extrinsic goals (like becoming successful and making money) in order to get the approval of other people. I had always felt this deep need for approval, whether from friends and family, or just random people on the internet.

Even though this wasn't a particularly pleasant self-realization, I also realized that in a way this behavior had served me (I had become successful because of it), and I could love myself for it. Lastly, I also realized just because I had lived this way for the first 30-something years of my life, I didn't have to continue like this.

I started building a daily routine of self care that included daily meditation, exercise, quitting drinking, changing my diet, and gratitude journaling. I now try to only work on things I am intrinsically motivated to do: helping people around me, making content when I feel like making content, deepening my relationships with people. And I feel much, much happier than I've ever been.